I've been blessed

"Every one gets a second chance in their life. N I'm really hoping we could start over. N if it still doesn't work out between us. Then we can let go of us forever"

By the time I posted this, the fear crept into my mind. What if I couldn't change, worse what if I wouldn't change?! What if I'm not a good friend she expected me to be?! What if I'm only going to hurt her, again, again and again?!

All of these "what ifs" bothered me so much that I couldn't even think properly. I started looking for an answer. What should I do?! Should I ask her that question?! "My love, what do you want me to do?!" But that would be weird, right?!

And then I regretted posting that on my Facebook wall.  Maybe I shouldn't get a second chance! Maybe I shouldn't be forgiven at all! Maybe she would be better off without me, in her happy little world where I don't exist! What if she hopes that I would change, but it turns out that I'm only gonna be a disappointment to her?! 

All I know is that, I still don't have an answer to this which also makes me curious.

Just think about it, all of a sudden, why do I have to hear about her from my friends?! Why do I have to add her on Friendster?! Then Facebook?! Why do I have to bump into her blog?! After reading her blog, why do I have to think that she's cool?! Why do I even want to meet her and get to know her personally?! And to my surprise, why do we have to live in the same neighbourhood?! All of the places in Banda Aceh?! Is Banda Aceh that small????!!!

And of course there are some things that I still don't understand about her personality. Sometime I'm furious too, and saying that she's unpredictable and her mood changes like season! And sometime, I do wonder why do I even want to be her friend?! (Additional info: She's bothering me when I sleep. She's making fun of me most of the time. Sometime, she can be real tough and it takes lots of patience to be with her at this time! And to be honest, I don't like when she's showering me with gifts and free stuff. It does make me spoiled!)

But that's only because I don't know much about her. So far, I only know her through her writings, and the short time period we've spent together. So there were lots of misunderstandings between us. I'm sure she had her past which may shape her personality. She has her own unique ways to love too. Her own fears and worries. All I know is that she's not a bad person. She is someone with big heart, big smile, and big hug! *okay I'm lying about the big hug part*

Up until this point, all I know is that I've been blessed to know her, to be her friend, and most importantly to be loved by her! And of course, to be her neighbour too! But I've hurt her in many ways and I can understand why she's mad at me! This time, I don't expect her to forgive me. I just want to thank her for all the love she's given me because I've been blessed . . .


NB: Please listen to this song while reading this - Just give me a reason by Pink